Childhood

On the road of life, I don’t know how many people I will meet. However, there are not many people who can finally leave memories, and even fewer people who can often miss them.


This time when I went back to my hometown in western Hubei, I always wanted to find a San. A SAN is my senior classmate in primary school. I remember that one semester, the head teacher assigned a SAN to sit with me. The teacher asked me to help a San learn. A San works hard, but his study is average. He was very disciplined. He always carried his arms behind his back in class. His chest was high and he sat very upright. He did not move in a class.


A San has a bad problem, freezing hands every winter. Every time I saw his swollen hand back as thick as steamed bread, and the purple skin was constantly flowing with yellow chilblain water, I felt very sad. Sometimes I dare not to look at it. When I look at it, my heart aches sour, as if chilblain was growing on the back of my hand.


“Why don’t you wear gloves? “When I was reading early, I asked a San.


“My mother has no time to do it for me, the business in our shop is very busy…… “A San answered in a very low voice. A San’s voice is very good, with a girl’s shyness and warmth.


After knowing this situation, I once had an idea for several times: “I will weave a pair of gloves for a San.”


At that time, our 13-year-old girls all made some rough knitting. Find a few thin iron wires, grind the tip of the needle on the brick, or pick up a piece of bamboo that can be easily picked up to make four bamboo sticks, and scrape the bamboo sticks with broken bowls, this is the sweater needle. Then, I found some long stockings with broken heels from home (at that time, we didn’t know there were nylon socks in the world!), You can weave pen covers, gloves and so on by breaking the stockings into threads. In order not to interfere with writing, we often weave half gloves without fingers and palm. That is really a kind of very crude gloves which are not good-looking. But everyone wears this kind of gloves, no one thinks it ugly.


I want to weave a SAN a pair of gloves like this, sometimes I think very strongly. But I never dared. God knows, we were all very young at that time. Children of thirteen or fourteen years old had a strong mentality of “male and female differences. This kind of psychology makes the boundary between male and female students clear, and they dare not contact each other generously.


I remembered that there was a boy in the class with high prestige, who was just like the “king” among the male students in the class “. “Wang” is very powerful, and all the boys listen to the command of “Wang. After the class is over, as long as “Wang” calls for what to do, many people will follow him forward and backward; As long as “Wang” says that he will not play with anyone, A large number of people will stop talking to this classmate. “Wang” and his generals often nicknamed boys and girls who disobeyed their will, which was hard to hear and hurt people. After class or after school, they either take the “one, two” racket and call the name of a classmate’s Parent Together (of course, this parent always has some “problems” in politics, and his reputation is already very bad); Or he will call a girl’s name to a boy, or call a boy’s name to a girl. This is the worst and saddest thing, because if they shout like this, everyone will know that a boy and a girl are better. It is a shameful thing to let others know “OK.


Such mischievous jokes often scared me, “Wang” and his “generals. Sometimes I am afraid to the extreme, so I often have nightmares at night. It seems that since then, I have become a cautious wretch. Therefore, I also secretly hated the group of “Kings” and decided to go far away when I grew up and never see them again!


A Sanchang played with the “kings”, but he never saw anyone hurt. Sometimes the “Kings” treat a San well, sometimes it seems that they don’t talk to him for a long time. That must be some contradiction in the world of the “kings”, I think. I have never figured out whether a SAN is a citizen under the leadership of “Wang”, but I really hope that a San does not belong to the world of “Kings.


When I was in the fifth grade of primary school, my father was suddenly labeled as “rightist” one morning “. The names of big character posters, comics, and dad with “X” are posted all over the world inside and outside the college. The appearance of dad makes people look ugly. His limbs are very developed and his head is very small. Some of them also have a long and thick furry tail…… At first sight of these, I almost fainted. The college is very close to my home, and “Wang” often come to read posters and cartoons. After reading it, when I walked to my door, I always got together and called my father’s name with my throat. They shouted to me and ran away. Maybe they thought this was the happiest thing, but I was so sad. Upon hearing the shouts of “Kings”, I was so scared that I was about to open the door and hide behind the door. I didn’t dare to move for a long time, I am afraid that the “Kings” will see me. After they left, Every time I cried and dared not to go to school, my mother persuaded me to coax me, but when I arrived at the school gate, I still dared not to go in, always hiding in some corners or shade outside the school gate, I didn’t rush into the classroom until I heard the preparatory Bell for class. As soon as there was a teacher in class, “Wang” dared not call my father’s name any more. I always thought like this.


At that time, being afraid of “Kings” was just like rats being afraid of cats! Now I think of it, I still have lingering fear, and I am also very sad.


“I never called your father’s name…… “Once, Sam said to me softly. I don’t know whether he always cried alone when he saw me being insulted, or whether he felt it was bad to bully others like this. Anyway, he confessed to me like this. I remembered that after hearing the words of Sam, I cried very hard. My throat seemed to be covered with a large mass of cotton, and I didn’t finish a morning self-study. A San didn’t recite the book loudly even when he read it early. He just turned the book back and forth, which looked pitiful.


In fact, I also knew clearly in my heart that although a San was close to the “kings”, he was kind-hearted and unwilling to bully others. This is what his bright and big single eyelid eyes told me. Those eyes, when looking at you, are very pure, friendly and peaceful, making you not afraid of him at all. I remembered that at that time, I was only looking forward to Sam’s eyes, while for other boys, especially the “kings”, I didn’t dare to face them squarely.


For a long time, this pair of eyes of a SAN has always remained in my heart. I even felt that this pair of beautiful eyes which gave me sympathy would not go out in my heart for a lifetime……


A SAN is very good at playing ball, it is cloth ball. It is to wrap the old cotton cover tightly into a round ball, which is big watermelon, big bowl and big ball, as you wish. After wrapping it, put a piece of old thread sock on the outside and sew the ripped part, then it will be the ball. In the primary schools in Xicheng, Hubei at that time, students all played this kind of ball, and it was almost common to wrap cloth balls. The cloth balls of Asan were very round and solid. A San’s shooting rate is also quite high, almost a hundred shots. A SAN is No. 5 in the team. No. 5 means playing the best. No. 5 is generally the team leader. Girls love playing ball very little. There are only two girls in our class, and I am one of them.


I remember that when a San was randomly divided into classes to play ball, he always wanted to join me, which was his side. At that time, it was common for men and women to play ball games together. Even if shooting casually on the court after class, Sam sometimes threw the ball he was grabbing to the pitiful me standing by the playground. Later, I played basketball very well, and even served as the captain of the school team in junior high school, senior high school and university. At that time, I often thought that I would like to thank Sam for playing basketball.


However, such kind and friendly behavior of Sam needed courage and risk at that time. Because doing so was doomed to be ridiculed and satirized by the “kings.


Such misfortune finally happened. I didn’t know which day it was, or what it was for. The “Kings” suddenly shouted a SAN’s name at me, which was very fierce. They shouted hard at me, and I felt that the sky suddenly collapsed, my heart suddenly broke, my eyes suddenly turned black, and my head suddenly exploded……


Several times, I also saw them calling my name to a San. A San said nothing, his lips closed tightly, and his face turned red. Seeing a SAN’s embarrassing appearance, I felt very sad and felt sorry for him.


From then on, I didn’t want to weave gloves for a San any more; When a San played cloth ball, I didn’t dare to go any more; When we went to early reading, none of us talked quietly any more; we don’t care about anyone anymore, as if we are angry! But in winter, when I saw a SAN’s swollen black purple hand back as thick as steamed bun, I felt that I owed a SAN a lot, and I would never give him again……


A San’s home is opposite to “Wang Yimao pickles shop. I don’t know what shop he runs, but I just remember that every time I go to “Wang Yimao pickles shop” to buy spicy sauce, I always look at a San’s shop. I saw many bamboo baskets, bamboo baskets, bamboo baskets, yellow straw paper used by women and the rough counter painted with black paint up and down the steps at the door, the round-mouth glass bottle contains orange petal sugar with white sugar rolling, and there are also lollipop wrapped with cellophane and bamboo sticks like a rattle…… In fact, I can also buy spicy sauce in other shops, but I am always willing to go far to “Wang Yimao pickles shop” to buy. I couldn’t tell why, just thinking that it would be better if a San walked out of the shop. In fact, even if Sam really walked out of the shop, I wouldn’t talk to him, but I hope he can come out…… 


Once, I went to buy spicy sauce again. Sam really walked out of the shop and saw me. After knowing that a San saw me, I suddenly felt scared again. At this time, I saw Sam walking towards me along the street paved by bluestone.


“They also live in this street, don’t let them see you, otherwise, call your father’s name again…… “After saying that, he ran back” Drumming. I know, when he said “they”, he meant “kings.


Looking at a San running into the shop, I wanted to cry again. I suddenly felt that I would never forget a SAN. A SAN must be the best man in the world when he grows up in the future!


Later, after I was admitted to middle school, I didn’t know where a San was. Did you pass the exam, or did you fail? Which class did you take? I don’t know how to inquire. As an adult, I often regret this thing. When I was a child, why didn’t I know how to cherish friendship?


After studying in middle school for half a year, I went far and far. I went to the lower reaches of Hanjiang River to find my brother, in order to study and survive, because my father and mother had been driven to the deep mountains. Since then, I have never seen Sam, but Sam’s bright and kind eyes often appear in front of my eyes and dreams.


Somehow life was so hurried, so unconsciously, it seemed that it had gone through many years without knowing what was going on. One day more than twenty years later, I went back to my hometown to visit my mother, and the first one I wanted to find was a San.


Unexpectedly, I found the “King” at that time very smoothly “. “Wang” received me warmly. “wang” had a very beautiful young wife. When I met “wang” at this age and in this era, I felt “mixed feelings”. Speaking of the old things in my childhood, I couldn’t help crying, and “Wang” was also dejected.


“Let’s not mention it. We were all young at that time, not sensible…… Your father died very hard. “Wang” said very sincerely, very sad. Yes, after decades of ups and downs, we have all grown up. The kindness and resentment in childhood are all lovely things that make people nostalgic and nostalgic……


“Wang” quickly helped me find a SAN and two classmates in my childhood. When “wang” led a SAN to see me, I was very panic, and the bright single eyelid eyes of a San flashed on the fluorescent screen of my brain from time to time. When I heard them laughing and walking into the house, I tried to recognize a SAN’s voice, but I couldn’t do it……


A San was the last one to walk into the house. When I tried to recognize him as a San, my heart suddenly burst of sadness and disappointment-that was not a SAN in my memory! Where are those bright eyes? A San, standing in front of me, seemed calm and indifferent. It seemed to have been unexpected for my return, and did not show much surprise and kindness. My slightly fat body and hair that had begun to fall off made my heart twitch like a spasm: Time took away my childhood Asan…… I suddenly felt very sad, we lost too much! There are many things worth cherishing in one’s life, but before we can cherish it, everything has become the past and everything does not exist……


A San invited me to his home for dinner, and “Wang” went with two classmates when he was a child; I felt very happy. I know that this is the wish of Sam and the “King. I am very grateful to my childhood friends for arranging such a wonderful program for me. There are too few opportunities for us to meet each other in our lifetime. Such a gathering will become the best memory.


A San’s wife is older than a SAN’s and not beautiful. His wife is the county’s “red flag bearer”, a model worker. Looking at Asan’s wise wife who squatted on the ground and scraped fish scales silently and ran inside and outside to prepare delicious food for us, I felt very comforted, but there was another sadness: A San in his childhood will never come back, this is life……


“…… I joined the Army in Beijing in 1999. I heard that you were studying in university there. I went to see you, but I didn’t find you. “When eating, Sam said to me. This was something I didn’t expect. Looking at Sam, I was grateful. Sam never forgot me!


“I propose a toast to our childhood! “I stood up.


A San and “Wang”, as well as childhood friends all raised their glasses high.


At this moment, everyone seemed to have a lot to say, but nobody said anything. I didn’t know whether the silent heart was thinking like me: the best thing in life is friendship, the deepest attachment of friendship is nothing more than knowing each other in childhood…… I suddenly felt that my nose was sore and I really wanted to cry.


Before leaving, a San drove me to the station by car (a San drove for the heads of the county government).


“Very sad, we have grown up…… “I really didn’t expect that when leaving, a San could say such emotional words. However, his appearance was very indifferent, very detailed and quiet, and even could be said to be expressionless. He just looked ahead and drove the steering wheel calmly. This kind of calm appearance made me very depressed. Since I found Sam, I always wanted to talk to him about my childhood, such as the disturbance of gloves, cloth balls or “calling names…… However, in the years, a San has grown into a quiet and condensed man, and the adult a SAN does not belong to my feelings, I think. Unexpectedly, after leaving, Sam said this sentence which made me never forget him in my life.


Thank you for my hometown dream which is as clear as water as the moon. In the dream, a San from childhood came to me……


Mei Jie was born in 1945. Hubei Yunyang person. He has written prose collection resume of love, reportage collection worry of great blood and so on.

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