Shadow lover in youth

Shadow lover in youth

Perhaps, we should all be grateful to the shadow lover hidden in the bottom of our hearts. It was he (she) who made our young and empty heart have concerns, so as not to grow up in a barren way.


A few days ago, I happened to meet a classmate in high school. He was in different classes at the same level. He just knew each other and didn’t speak. His girlfriend and I went to the same university. He came to this city to visit her hundreds of miles away, so he would meet her. He was a little surprised when he saw me, but he greeted me quickly. And I, conditioned reflex, fled in half a second. Just because he was the best friend of the boy I loved alone for five years when I was young. (The world is really small, isn’t it?) Seeing him seemed to see him-a shadow of my whole mood since I was 15 years old. Many years ago, everything blasted behind me and made me flee in a hurry.


Dear You, have you ever loved a boy so fondly many years ago? That kind of love is like a shadow, like a shadow? The shadow may be Zhang Hui’s melancholy face of playing guitar and singing; Maybe he is a sunny boy who loves playing basketball; Maybe he is the brightest smile in the world; maybe it was the pleasant voice on the radio during the break.


You will change the schedule you are used to, just for the “encounter” in the bicycle shed when you go to school and finish school; You will stick to the window in the corridor to see the scenery after class, but your eyes glancing at the door of the next class; You will be eager for their class to sit in front of your class when the whole school Conference is held. In that way, you can watch his back unscrupulously without being found by others; In the basketball league, your own class VS his class, while you shout hard to cheer for the boys in your class, he called his name 100 times in his heart while “eating inside and eating outside. By chance, you didn’t know from what Channel he was born, so from the early morning of that day, you kept silent on his happy birthday, but never dared to say to him, because you have never spoken. So you have to put “happy life” on a piece of clean white paper with the most beautiful and neat words in your opinion into the envelope, even though you know that he will never receive this letter.


But you have never thought of “being together” with him, just like those early-maturing boys and girls walking openly hand in hand on campus, even hugging and kissing like shock, that Imagination will scare you to drop your glass-like mood on the ground and break it. You just imagine for countless times that he will smile at you next time when you pass by in the corridor, and imagine that you will be ranked in the same classroom because of the similar ranking after the next monthly exam, you just expect to see him once more every day, once again, once again, every day. Do you think such a day will last for a long time? However, on the day of graduation, you were already thrown to the ends of the world by surprise, missing.


At the beginning, you were so sad that you felt that the world seemed to be reflected into gray by the distant shadow. You don’t think there will be such boys attracting you like that any more. When you look at the boys passing by in front of you, you always feel that they all turn into his appearance one by one, you think that you will always be pitifully immersed in this kind of emotion, and you think that you will bear that gray shadow for the rest of your life. However, he faded away so fast in time that you couldn’t expect it.


Until one day, when you saw piles of boys and girls in school uniforms walking happily on the street, you suddenly found that you seemed to have forgotten his appearance, even his name. So your heart faintly feels a little bit of slight pain, but only a little.


What will he look like now? Are you tall, handsome and mature again, or are you losing the sunshine you loved most when you grew up? Does he also have his own little girlfriend, which university is sweet before the flower month, just like you and your boyfriend now? Will you meet again in the future? If we meet again, will you run away in a hurry like many years ago, or will you chat with him generously and throw everything into the wind? What will you say? Will you tell him the secret love that lasted for several years as a joke, ask him if he had noticed you at that time, and even if you happened to be his young memory? When you think about it, you smile. You feel the beauty as calm as a watercolor painting that is so wet that you can hardly see the color. That is the boy who once blew through your heart like the wind, and the shadow lover who accompanied you through the whole young mood.

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