Youth does not fade away, but migration

At that time, I was young


I was 25 years old that year and just entered the doctoral class. I studied my degree while writing. I had published the first novel collection “The sea is blue”, and it attracted people’s attention because of the unpredictable best-selling situation. I am very comfortable in the classical world and college life, where I am small peach blossom garden. I can quietly circle and read, hide myself, and when I meet a clever word and sentence, I can admire and ponder for a long time, get great joy. I don’t know where to find the word describing a man’s “great figure”. I pondered it over for a while. What kind of image is that? Our professors in Chinese department have gentle, elegant, Yushu Linfeng, and arrogant, but they are not called Great banks. It seems that I have the understanding of great banks in my heart, but it is hard to describe them. 


After the winter vacation, I met such a university professor who was tall and strong, acted calmly and smiled slightly, and taught us poetry. Because he used to be from the Department of Physical Education, he looked different from the general temperament of the Department of Chinese language and literature. Every weekend, we have to go to the teacher’s home to have classes. We all sit around the dining table instead of having meals, but explaining a poem or a poem. Seeing him laughing and breathing smoke, I thought quietly that this was a great man, right? The 40-year-old teacher was very active in academic circles at that time, with high spirits and dazzling edge. He never stopped watching him, him and his family happily when he took his lessons.


He has a wife and two sons who also teach in the university. When our course is coming to an end, the teacher and his youngest son sometimes enter the door together. The teacher’s mother was carrying some daily necessities or food. The little boy was about 10 years old, carrying the schoolbag with shoulder straps of the primary school student, taking off his shoes, staring at us with curious eyes, not afraid of giving birth. The teacher would stop the course he was explaining and look at them. Sometimes he would talk with them for some casual attachment in his words and eyes. I gradually realized that the teacher was like a bank of green willows. He gently hugged his wife and son with a smile, and two boats, one big and one small, roamed. Therefore, he was a great man.


When we left, there was a sound of boiler in the kitchen of the teacher’s house. Dinner was gradually on the table. We wandered under the viaduct and walked to the bus stop. I felt a little tired and had a lot of hopes. I suddenly thought of my future. Would there be such a warm family? A kind of intimate feeling of dining around a table? A little boy carrying a backpack? When it got dark, the stars climbed to the sky.


After completing the summer vacation of doctor’s degree, I invited a group of friends to visit China for nearly a month. Back to Taipei, the whole person became lazy. It rained before the start of school, and autumn suddenly came. My classmates called me and told me that my mother-in-law who had cancer had passed away and that they would go to the public sacrifice together. They wanted to make sure that I had returned.


I don’t know why, I always think that my mother will recover. She is still young and has a loving husband; There is also a spoiled son, and she should be better. 


On that day, I went very early, from beginning to end, thinking that maybe I could help something. But, what can I do for you? During the farewell ceremony, Fei Yuqing’s beautiful voice was played in the loudspeaker: “Sister, Sister, you loosen my hand, I can’t go with you……” I raised my head in astonishment, crossed many people, and saw the little boy kneeling on the ground. At that time, he was already a junior high school student. He looked very thin because of losing his mother.


I had an impulse to go there, walked to him, looked at his black eyes and said a few comforting words. But finally I didn’t, because I didn’t know what to say, and I was afraid that I couldn’t help seeing his tears.


There were a lot of accidents in life, but at that time, I still naively thought that I had obtained a degree, had a full-time teaching position, and someone introduced me to a doctor studying in the United States, as long as I have enough patience, as long as I work hard enough, I can get happiness. I also thought that the ups and downs of this family should end here, and it should be perfect.


A year later, I was trapped in a strong storm caused by emotion, facing a difficult choice at work, and suddenly heard the news that my teacher had a stroke in the brain stem and was in critical condition. When I went to the hospital to visit, the teacher had already entered the general ward from the intensive care unit. It was said that the consciousness was clear that the once great body was lying in the sickbed, totally unable to be independent. That family? What about those two boys? My friend who went with me tried to talk to the teacher. I closed my lips tightly and didn’t say anything. I just wanted to ask the god, what was the God’s intention? Didn’t you say there is no way out? What kind of road is this?


When the teacher was transferred from general manager three to general manager Rong and began to do rehabilitation, I went to visit him. On that day, he was learning to speak. A 50-year-old teacher should be the best age to make great achievements in academic circles; It should be the voice of chanting splendid verses, and now he is struggling to capture: Ah, ah, ah, ah…… Sweating and panting, the nurse said optimistically that the teacher behaved very well and we should clap our hands to the teacher. When I walked out of the hospital, my tears suddenly fell down. I cried all the way along the Green Path. What a ridiculous and cruel life it was.


At the same time, the wounds and frustrations happened to me did not stop. I always had to spend a lot of efforts to deal with my depression. Since then, I have never visited the teacher any more. I only visited the teacher from some people who were close to the teacher. The teacher was discharged from the hospital and went home for recuperation. The original house was sold, I moved to a quiet place. Once in a while, when the car passes the viaduct, I will still turn around and look at that direction in the years, with a faint sadness. There is a secret youth story belonging to me.


Later, I suddenly met youth


This year, I have been full-time in the university for the 11th year, and I am about to enter the age of 40. Life suddenly became busy, including radio, television and busy speeches. However, I tried my best not to let other chores affect my teaching. I always walked into the classroom with a happy mood, facing those waiting eyes. Especially the general education courses for students of law school of business, in many life-related issues, I always expect to bring myself or them to an unexpected place.


Every year, due to the differences of student groups, the atmosphere of class is also different. If there are several students who are particularly lively and fully interactive, wonderful sparks will burst out. Sometimes I meet quiet students who are willing to think deeply. Their opinions challenge my values and cognition, which is also a very enjoyable thing. One semester’s class can’t expect any influence on students. As long as it can provide opportunities for them to realize themselves, it is enough.


This semester, when several students listened to the stories I told, they had concentrated spirits in their eyes. There was a boy in the Department of Economics who was very supportive. Even though I said jokes, I felt that they were not very funny. He must have laughed very eagerly, so on the day he didn’t attend, it seems a little lonely in class. Usually such a student with a sense of participation would speak enthusiastically during the discussion, but this boy almost never spoke. Laugh when you should laugh, nod hard when you should nod, but don’t speak. I guess it may be because he is not good at words. When it was his turn to report on the stage, he talked about the magnificent mountains and rivers in the mainland of China from Yu Qiuyu’s “cultural journey”. He didn’t need lecture notes or outlines at all. He talked frankly, not like a student of business school, it is more like a Chinese department. I sat under the stage and looked at him with my head raised. It turned out to be such a tall boy. It was obviously the face of youth. When reporting fluently, it seemed that there was an old soul, revealing shallow vicissitudes faintly. He spoke on the stage with a bright and confident expression, which was extremely different from the appearance of suddenly laughing off the stage. When he finished his report, applause was everywhere, and even I couldn’t help clapping for him.


When winter came, the general education class ended. I walked back and forth in the classroom, watching the students writing on the final exam paper. The examination papers were handed to the platform one by one. I could read their scores from those smiling or frowning faces.


Walking out of the classroom with a stack of examination papers in hand, the boy from the Department of Economics was waiting at the door: “Teacher,” he called me, “Can you delay your time?”


I stopped and told him that there was only a little time because I was rushing to the radio station. The live programs and pre-recordings every Friday make me a little anxious.


OK. He smiled, looking nervous, ready to escape at any time, “I just want to ask if you still remember a teacher……” He said a name. Suddenly, a name was spoken out, and I felt dizzy. That memory blocked by smoke, the cloud and mist were gone, the body was great, the smiling teacher, suddenly came to me very clearly. Of course I remember that even though I have not remembered it for many years, I cannot forget it.


You is…… I raised my head and looked at him, looking at the black glasses behind his lens. My tears were in danger like this.


When dusk leaned back into the teaching building, it would be dark, and then the stars would light up. Once, it was the time for dinner to open the table. Now, we meet in the crowded corridor full of life. More than ten years later, he finished five majors, military service, and was admitted to college. He took this course specially and got acquainted with me. The boy I had ever been in suspense was 24 years old, when I was young, I was his mother’s age. Youth never fades away, but only migrates from me to him.


Later, I heard him talking about the past when he saw me at home with long hair hanging purely. At that time, we never said a word, but he thought if we could talk to this sister. I heard him saying that he suffered from accidents in successive years, which was a desolation of depending on others. My father had been in hospital for a whole year. How unwilling he was to go home after dark, and return to his empty home. I listened attentively, but I didn’t expect that soon after, my father was in hospital with acute illness, and my mother accompanied me day and night in the hospital. I had to go back to my empty home after finishing my busy work every day. In those unpredictable days, I often thought of a story that the boy told me. In the darkness of fear, it seemed that he came to me, the comforting words were told to me, which I wanted to say many years ago that I didn’t say it after all. Therefore, I was safe. When I suddenly met my youth, I saw the mercy of the years.

Comments are closed.